Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Why can't/don't Americans....?

This is some great action. Perhaps paying more attention to Ukraine would help us improve our pussyfied approach to democracy. It's not that I really idealize this stuff in grand terms. I just admire these people in their willingness to make trouble. When was the last time Americans got behind something like this?

This could never happen in the absence of blatant corruption.

Turbulence is healthy. Yay fun.

More of the joy of euphemism

I remember being a kid in Centreville, VA and laughing my ass off when Lorena Bobbitt cut off her husband's penis—just miles away in Manassas, VA. Today's Associated Press story about Bobbitt's acquittal on unrelated assault charges threatens us all with a new consensus as to how cuitting a man's dick off should be described:

Bobbitt gained fame in 1993 when his first wife, Lorena, SEXUALLY MUTILATED him. (My capitals)

This is an obscuring term. We can more or less figure it out for ourselves. Or we can decide not to figure it out, in which case we can ignore the fact that the man does, in fact, have testicles and a penis. This is a "sexual mutilation" of the press and its language. Do we need this many syllables? Is the word "penis" worth such complex evasion?

So dig this: Bobbitt gained fame in 1993 when his first wife, Lorena, cut off his penis. Does it hurt to think of it? Good!

Nitpicking a TV segment

At about 12:30 p.m. Eastern today, Fox News Channel ran a segment called "Asylum rule change sparks border rush." I can't find the corresponding story online at the moment. I'm critiquing this segment not to add to bolster the near-fact that Fox is a right-wing jingo network, but to point out a big hole in the story.

FNC anchor Bob Sellers introduced the segment on today's mutual tightening of U.S. and Canadian asylum rules by saying the change had provoked a "rush" to the Canadian border (maybe he said "mad rush"; I'm not quite sure). Reporter Jeff Goldblatt then detailed the change and what different groups and people had to say about it.

Numbers about how many people were heading to the border? Footage of mobs of people flocking there? Heavy traffic at the border? Didn't see any of it. Nothing to qualify this report of the ocurrence of a "border rush." Are we supposed to take this border rush for granted?

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Because it's just easier...

Only now do I remember to circle around and blog some shit about the debate over poppies in Afghanistan. My main provocation came Dec. 11 when Afghan Finance Minister Ashraf Ghani's Op-Ed ran in the New York Times. Ghani basically wants to eliminate a cash crop with enormous potential, something no well-run developing state should refuse. This is more than a thoughtless and automatic extension of the drug war; it's a sign that new leaders are unfortunately incapable of abandoning old and arcane trains of thought. Ghani's plan is to destroy this lucrative crop and then somehow work around it, find some other, more laborious way of generating that income. This is the sort of insane and inept state planning that results from our inflexible, unrealistic, and deceptive anti-drug morality. Instead of lviing with drugs and reaping some benefits, let's make it difficult on ourselves. Let's create difficulties, then turn those difficulties into policy. In some cases, difficulty is worth it, suffering is worth it. This is not one of those cases. This is a case of needless exacerbation. It is based on a well-entrenched and completely misguided conception of what state drug policy should be.

Christopher Hitchens' Dec. 13 Slate story proposes legalization and official monitoring of the poppy/narcotics trade, a difficult but probably more beneficial solution (one often proposed in any given drug policy debate). It would require wresting control of the trade from criminals, gangs and religious terrorist organizations—difficult work that would eventually enable the state and its citizens to profit from the crop for as long as conditions permitted.

Friday, December 24, 2004

The Middle Mind

Today I finished reading Curtis White's The Middle Mind: Why American's Don't Think for Themselves. White succeeds in pointing out the failures of our national "imagination" without becoming didactic or slipping into a generic political screed. White argues that art and imagination have lost their way in American society, imprisoned within rigid contexts and free only in that they do not push us toward radical change. For his own part, White proposes that Americans completely modify their attitude toward independent thought: "Thought ought to be the liveliest thing we do," not something we lazily avoid or—even more dangerous in White's view—something we create insufficient substitutes for.

Like just about any other social critic on the left, White repeatedly asserts that capitalism is a restrictive force and that popular entertainment is mostly stupefying crap. From this basis, White proceeds to argue that our intellectual "poverty" is a threat in more than just a political sense—it limits the scope of life in every imaginable sense. The argument would be more effective if White restrained himself from making unhelpful comments about the examples he presents—whether or not the court settlement of the 2000 presidential election was fraudulent or not, for example, is mostly irrelevant to White's argument, beyond what insight it provides about the open luridness White sees in politics today. White's incessant pithy references to it only encourage what he calls "the dictatorship of the present."

Despite a few such flaws, the book reminds us that if we're to quick to believe that our freedom is guaranteed, that freedom becomes benign and useless.

Something I'm willing to blame entirely on W

...the pervasiveness of the term "faith-based," which most recently popped up in this Slate story by David Sarno.
Lauer's firm, Motive Entertainment, is best known for coordinating the faith-based marketing of The Passion of the Christ.
I'm aware that I'm a picky bastard with too much time on my hands, being injured and on Xmas vacation and all. Regardless, I think it's worthwhile to keep a lookout for this sort of uneccesarily circuitous language, which of course always originates with politicians and gradually enters our daily vocabulary. I guess the term applies well here, but it's obvious where the writer got it from. Let's not allow politicians to fuck up our vocabulary. "Faith-based" was first introduced to the general public as a handy euphemism—one that would make government funding of religious organizations seem innocuous (George Carlin writes about this in his new book, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? (Hyperion), which by the way is excellent). A better alternative in this context would be perhaps "religiously themed." More syllables but rhetorically more direct.

Is this even possible?

Mexico town bans indoor nudity
Another stunning victory for logic and, um, that good old-timey Judeo-Christian psycho morality.

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Worth repeating

An Op-ed piece in today's Baltimore Sun accuses the media of failing the public through complacency. Yes, we've already heard countless arguments like the one Lois Melina makes here. I'm posting a link to the piece because I think its point is worth driving home repeatedly. My only concern is that all this repitition will weaken the force of the argument.

Monday, December 20, 2004

"Noble"?

Oh, what a search for Evanston news will yield. San Diego columnist Don Freeman calls Northwestern "a noble center of academic pursuits in suburban Evanston, Ill., north of Chicago, where winter strikes with stinging ferocity." What in hell or on Earth possesses a man to write like that is beyond me. It does work with the column as a whole, which reads like a poetic recording of a senile nightmare. I'm assuming he wrote it as the heavy sedatives wore off before dinnertime. Tell me, Don, was it Pizza Night at the sanitarium?

Back home!

From Chicago to Orlando: roughly 17.5 hours of bad drivers, psychopathic road dogs, big scary trucks and right-wing talk radio with the ocassional few minutes of NPR. I really need to spend more time in the South. What I most enjoyed was rolling through Tennessee to the sounds of late-night Fundamentalist broadcasting. I learned that sports controversies at Notre Dame University are further evidence of the Catholic threat to society (what an interesting distinction for religious fanatics to make!) and that evil witchcraft has blatantly penetrated at least as far up as the Senate. The most devious thing about witches, one radio host said, is that they perform certain rites without understanding why those rites work. By the same standard, Christians are also witches, prayer and sacraments are a form of witchcraft, and all religions are merely fancy superstitious routines. So you see, just a little interpretation goes a long way. It can even help one find truth in the statements of holy-rollin' wackjobs.

Oh, and NPR is just no fun. In fact, despite what certain right-wing hack commentators say, NPR is about as sleepy and pussywhipped as it gets. Someone get those people some cocaine and beef!

I will be in Orlando until March working in the Osceola County bureau of the Orlando Sentinel, where the Medill School of Journalism's Teaching Media program has shipped me.

I hesitate to go on adolescent social-commentary rants. That said, one is in order! Here we go!

Chicago/Evanston, back at the other end of this Tunnel to Hell, has spoiled me. The good bookstores, the galleries and lavishly funded museums, the great food, the variety nurtured by the success of small businesses, the slightly less depressing nature of the general environment—it just couldn't last. The Daley Plaza has that nice Picasso sculpture. Downtown Orlando has "LizArt". Chicago has Schuba's. Orlando has Will's Pub. Chicago has a fairly decent public transportation system. Orlando has short-range Lynx buses and Florida voters reliably oppose proposals for the funding of a public train system. So one has to drive nearly everywhere in Florida, which means inevitably getting stuck behind some craphead in a great big Chevy truck with a dramatic "American Flag and Bald Eagle" mural in the back cab window. That's another thing—nationalism down here is huge! People spend a lot more here than in Chicago on flag merchandise and whatnot. Perhaps that's because there's so little basis for local pride. The only solution is to be proudly and actively generic. Florida has always been a strange and precarious frontier. Its settlers have had to destroy it, conquer it and whitewash it, and now people are just beginning to make sense of it by acting on corporate market instincts. It's all a little easier to figure out once the standard malls, chain stores, highways and offices are installed.

Don't get me wrong—I'm aware that stupid people are everywhere, especially on the roads. The difference is that in Florida, more of them are likely to actually be in charge.

Central Florida is about as close to Pure Market as it gets. It's divided almost entirely into work and entertainment, grunts and hucksters. Chicago seems to be a more confident city. Orlando doesn't seem to be sure about itself at all. It has few truly entrenched institutions. Chicago has the (crappy but handy) CTA, its formidable landmarks and its notoriously corrupt city government. Orlando just hurtles into the future the only way it knows how—through pure and poorly directed commerce. I measure a town by its character, and Orlando has very little character, unless "fuckin' cheesy" counts.

And the Central Floridians are breeding like gerbils! All our local Super Wal-Marts and Super Targets are circus-tents for morons and their filthy mongrel children, both of whom are usually in "public tantrum" mode. And I don't mean "mongrel" as a racial or class distinction. Here the rich children are as misbegotten as the poor ones. Rich and poor parents make the same mistakes, grounding their parenting mostly on guilt, fear and punishment vs. reward. Their kids don't learn to enjoy life; they learn to suffer and to indulge.

Basically, I see Central Florida as the distillations of our worse social problems. The solution is not necessarily to eradicate corporations or even to put more public money into "arts and culture"; it is to take pride in building lives of our own, no matter what our surroundings look like.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

More Wal-Mart

Here's another example of a really dumb case: Wal-Mart is sued over rude lyrics (BBC News).
I guess at some point Wal-Mart took the initiative in making itself the nation's conscience. That was dumb in the first place. And now emerges the second reason it was dumb: people are going to expect them to go all the way on this. This guy wants to sue Wal-Mart for selling him an Evanescence album with a few "swear" words on it. Apart from the extravagant moralistic and financial demands of this suit, here are some reasons why the plaintiff should be run over with an 18-wheeler and then with a steamroller (just to be sure!):


(1) I skimmed over the lyrics for this album. It contains one song (out of 14) with "foul language" in it. The song contains a few "fuck"s and a few "ass"es. That's probably less than you'd hear in a PG-13 movie, and it's not even enough to earn one of those nannying "Parental Advisory" labels. You'd get about the same on many classic rock albums—see The Who's Quadrophenia, Pink Floyd's Animals, The Clash's London Calling.... Also, consider the incidences of "swearing" in respected works of 20th-century literature. First line of Philip Larkin's "This be the Verse": "They fuck you up, your mum and dad."
Appropriately enough, the Evanescene song in question is called "Thoughtless." Someone fails to see the irony of the situation.

(2) The use of "vulgarity" in itself is no basis for evaluating the merit of song lyrics—especially when they're used this scarcely. Let's just ask, are these lyrics good or not? A subjective decision, and one that requires more thought than simply reacting like an ape to a couple of words. I've never gotten around to checking Evanescence out, so I don't really have an opinion on this front, and I'm not going to start with the scant knowledge I have now. You know why? Because I don't believe Christianity and the tightass morality it fosters can really teach you everything about life, art, music, literature, etc.

(3) What most people call "dirty words" are just a part of our vernacular language. They serve many communicative purposes. In my view, refusing to swear is just another mindless excuse for limiting one's vocabulary. People who think "swearing" is bad probably also shy away from poetry, complex sentences and abstract thought. Simplistic morality breeds simplistic thinking, which breeds general stupidity. If you still get offended by this, you should be left behind by the forces of evolution. This man said he was shocked to hear swearing! WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF WORLD DOES HE THINK HE LIVES IN?

Unfortunately, this dipshit hick has already passed on his defective seed.

Saturday, December 11, 2004

A linguistic foray (Critical Inquiry, here I come!)

Preview: Toward a Broader Frame of Reference for the Adjective 'Flaming'

Consensus among younger users of the word "flaming" tend to assume that the word must apply exclusively to descriptions of, or modifications of descriptions of, homosexual persons and/or homosexual behavior. Wes Meltzer, who interestingly enough falls slightly short of flaming, is of this persuasion. What I hope to move toward in this essay is a conception of "flaming" as akin to slang adjectives on the order of "fuckin'," "goddamn," etc.

But what Meltzer and others overlook is that such vernacular adjectives are charmingly fluid in their applicability. The everyday random comments of our elders points to this fluidity. In the conversation of those now over 40, the word "flaming" can be used to illustrate the excessive extent to which an adjective or position applies. Thus, we have "flaming Catholics," "flamin' idiots," etc.

More to come on this exciting debate....

PR watch

It's appropriate that Wal-Mart's spokesmen provide the ultimate example of bad "public relations." In my experience, PR people rarely discuss an issue. What they actually do is promote their companies, defend their companies and take up space in reporter's notebooks and stories without really contributing much information or insight. They are really just marketers who specialize in talking to reporters.

Since PR's influence on news reporting is becoming frighteningly pervasive, I will ocassionally talk about the role of spokesmen in specific news stories.

Of course, companies should have some way of keeping in touch with the press; I don't know if there's really any solution to the basic problems it creates. Even without PR departments and full-time spokespeople, companies still have an interest in looking good in the press. The only real alternative I can think of at the moment is to avoid the company line altogether, except as a point of comparison for what reporters find out on their own.

Steven Greenhouse's story "Unions Plan Big Drive for Better Pay at Nonunion Wal-Mart" in today's Times relies almost entirely on Union spokesmen and Wal-Mart spokesmen. This story seems to have been reported entirely over the phone. Where are comments from wage-workers and managers in Wal-Marts? You have to speak to people actually involved in the situation. That's not an unrealistic ideal; that's just a good standard of thorough reporting.

PR people are pussywhipped. It's in their interest to make reporters pussywhipped as well. Spokesmen never actually engage in a debate. They pull back from the terms of the debate and try to confine what they say to the terms of advertising. Spokesmen like those representing unions in this story are the voice of activism—perhaps valid, perhaps misguided, perhaps wrong. The Wal-Mart spokesmen in this story are the voice of hucksterism and bargain-grubbing and of understandable corporate interests. Neither are the voice of reason or factual exploration. That's where reporters have to pick up the slack.

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Style!

Florida Times-Union story:
"She got out of the car and smirked at us and smoked a cigarette," he said.

Someone has studied up on her gangster films.

How come nothing cool happens in St. Augustine when I'm there?

"BLEARGH," or, "The Rancid Fruits of Morning"

7:30 A.M.—When the goddamn phone rings at this time of morning, tugging and prodding at my sleep-addled brain like a bunch of unruly mongrel children with a full assortment of fireplace accessories, I am perverse enough to wonder what possibly could result from answering, and I simply must find out. Perhaps the caller actually has some good reason to be bothering me. Perhaps the caller lacks a good reason, and in that case I might get to hear when he is justly decimated by the Vengeful Pagan Column of Fire roaring forth from the offended bowels of the Earth. "GAAAAAARAAAHHGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!! BEHOLD THE SHIT-STORM OF THE FIRE OF THE RIGHTEOUSLY CONTEMPTUOUS! AAAAAAAAAAHHHGAAGAIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee....*poof*!" This torrent of fury channeled through my telephone's tiny speaker would lull me back to sleep as sweetly as any placid summer rain. Even we avowed heathens must sometimes entertain the idea that there are spiritual forces working to lend moral drama to our encounters with others.

If the Forces of Earthly Revenge don't nab you, please follow some basic guidelines when shamelessly pulling me out of my not-anywhere-near-completed slumber. Do not tell me too many things I already know. That's fucking idiotic. That's not the way competent adults communicate, contrary to what many office-bound foofoos appear to think. Also, do not attempt to share the benefits of your pitiful initiative with me. Get to your crap job as early as you want, but don't pull me into the picture until I'm damn good and ready. And don't sound any more excited than I sound. It's early enough that I can concieve of myself as a demon, and if need be I will certainly try to devour the souls of your children in order to level out your surplus of enthusiasm for the grubby by-products of life. You may be chipper about my drug test, but like any thinking person, I resent the intrustion upon my personal life.

Rat-crap scatmuncher fruitcake nitwit with no conception of time zones.

Monday, December 06, 2004

Dissection time: Michael Powell's Op-Ed

For a few days now I've been meaning to perform some brain surgery on Michael Powell's Dec. 3 Op-Ed piece in the Times.

Let's start with the headline—"Don't Expect the Government to be a V-Chip"—which a contributor would not be responsible for writing, of course. The headling presents the piece inaccurately, suggesting that it's an admonition aimed at the nitwits who actually get offended about the ocassional tit on prime time TV. Damned if that wouldn't be refreshing. What this piece actually says, to borrow a phrase from Bill Hicks, is: "Go back to bed, America."

Powell apparently wants to convince us he's our buddy. "Time to take a deep breath," he begins, because as a government official he has an interest in gently discouraging public criticism of his performance. Way to play a nice neutral role. Balancing control and freedom in the area of expression will necessarily involve making subjective and moralistic judgments. Being FCC chairman will involve compromising either your own credibility or the First Amendment, and most people are willing to accept the latter. Guess what's gonna happen? This is why his position should not even exist in its current form, or at least why Powell shouldn't be in it.

"It is no surprise that those who make a handsome living by selling saucy fare rant the loudest - it drives up the ratings." This is true. And there will always be hucksters taking advantage of good things. Powell, however, seems to want to convince readers that only greed motivates people to advocate a broader definition of free speech. The networks are not the only ones who would benefit from looser restrictions. Historically, the gradual loosening and refining of (poorly founded) speech restrictions has made way for valuable literature, art, film and journalism. Powell wants you to think that it's time for that particular horizon to stop expanding, that speech is "free enough."

The article's will-of-the-people rhetoric hints at how scary things can get under a right-wing government with majority support. ". As one deeply suspicious of government involvement in the regulation of content, I understand and often agree with those who stand up for the cherished value of free speech." Fair enough, but that's nice and abstract principle-talk, and principles tend to be flexible. "But as a parent, I respect the desire of the American people for a minimum level of decency on the public airwaves - particularly where their children are concerned." (1) Appeal to the immediate problem in a simple way, understandable to simple people, and those principles get quite flexible indeed.
(2) Children may be exposed to some things most people wouldn't want them to be exposed to. Often they seek it out themselves. They'll live. Hell, they might even benefit from it, unless their parents have so much stupidity to spare that it overflows onto them.

Powell considers it one of the FCC's merits that "we rely on public complaints." Again, that's a bad idea. Many people in this country hold principles too crazy, too fundamentalist, too religious and too moralistic to be consistent with Constitutional values, and they won't hesitate at the opportunity to force those principles upon others. These often happen to be the people who claim to be especially proud to live in a "free country." They obviously have no idea how insane they are, and therefore should not have any influence upon government regulation of speech.

"In recent years, complaints about television and radio broadcasts have skyrocketed, and the F.C.C. has stepped up its enforcement in response." This is why we need courts—government agencies often tend to conspire with idiot mobs. But as Powell notes, the Supreme Court and lower federal courts tend to be compliant when it comes to speech regulation. A cursory reading of important obscenity cases like Roth v. United States(1957) makes it obvious that obscenity precedent has no basis in the Constitution, but rather in the implicit attitude that the courts must appease the moral sense of the public. The Roth standard for obscenity: "Whether, to the average person, applying contemporary community standards, the dominant theme of the material, taken as a whole, appeals to prurient interest." Well, to borrow again from Bill Hicks, having a dick appeals to prurient interest. The details of obscenity standards have changed in subsequent cases, but the Roth test more or less still applies.

"Obscenity" includes, almost exclusively, depictions of or reference to sex or excretion—both healthy, natural functions. No one's ever been fined for attempting to pollute our heads by broadcasting sick fundamentalist drivel, which is really more damaging and less socially valuable on the whole.

Powell closes up with the reminder that he's being careful about striking a "delicate First Amendment balance." We can talk principle as much as we want, but that won't stop us from backsliding.

Friday, December 03, 2004

This and that

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1198027.html
...magistrate Ronald Maiden was not laughing as he convicted the monk for soliciting a prostitute and put him on bond for 12 months.
Christ on stilts! Give the poor man a break!

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/g/archive/2004/12/02/hookhead.DTL
Rescuers needed about two hours to free the hook from the front-end loader it had been attached to at Holt Caterpillar.
"Now I'll be the laughingstock of the office!"
Also, notice the slug in the URL...someone was slightly amused.

http://www.reuters.co.uk/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=6978858§ion=news
WHAT THE GREAT LIVIN' FUCK?
Some people need to get hobbies.
Then again, a little fighting might actual make water polo worth seeing....who wants to throw down on season tickets?!

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Dave Barry is always fun

Poynter interview with Dave Barry.

I can't decide if Dave Barry is still funny anymore. His recent columns and his last novel, Tricky Business are not at the level of Big Trouble or the essays collected in Dave Barry's Bad Habits, Dave Barry Slept Here, etc. The guy in Tricky Business who got shot while wearing a conch costume provided a pretty hilarious image.

Poynter Online: High school administrators and teachers are not exactly known for their appreciation of humor. What are some ways for students to write funny articles without resorting to scatological or offensive humor? Is it ever OK to be offensive?

Barry: I think it can be OK, in the sense that just because somebody is offended doesn't mean that person is right. I mean, everything I write offends SOMEBODY, so to avoid being "offensive" I'd have to quit writing altogether. On the other hand, I think there are some things -- racism, for example (I mean real racism, as opposed to the racism detected everywhere by the hypersensitive PC police) -- that are never acceptable. As for getting the administrators and teachers to cut you some slack: Hey, good luck with THAT.


This reminds me of the time senior year that I wrote a piss-n-vinegar attack on Gov. Jeb Bush for my high school paper, the Lake Mary Rampage. That story was practically raining HIV-ridden dead cats; I attacked Bush's education policies, his fat-ringed shit-eating grin and his family's problems. This earned us a very amusing and self-serious reply letter from some math teacher I'd never heard of before. The best part of the letter was that he signed it with his name and then "Member of....." and "Former member of....." Way to build up your qualifications. Me, I'm not into the member thing. I'm just a mean-spirited vulgarian, and I have lots of fun.

Here's a great example of how to respond well to a really dumb question (I think the interviewer knew this would yield some fun Dave Barry-type stuff):

Poynter Online: Who would win in a catfight: Britney or Christina?

Barry: Aretha Franklin would crush them both with one forearm.


Even when he's a little less funny, Barry isn't full of shit, and that's good enough for me.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

The standards keep dropping...

...even, apparently, in the New York Times. William Safire deserves a steel-toed boot in the ass for his column(subscription; go here if not registered) today. "Now pessimists are trying desperately to call off the [Iraqi] election...lest they lose that vote, too." You could, with sound logic, go either way on the elections' prospects—just don't listen to anyone who uses Safire's gloating-heavy approach: "So far, voters who support implanting freedom in the Middle East have won three in a row...." Voters don't win shit. Election victories are not cosmic moral victories, and anyone who says otherwise is full of crap.

How sad that the Times would allow a columnist to take this simple rhetorical approach, which is basically "Let's not be pussies—let's hurtle into the future like an all-male herd of bison with uncontrollable erections!" Safire also repeatedly invokes those all-too-overcharged terms "spin" and "democracy." I know Safire can do better, and the Times should be asking for better.

It is good of him to point out some important misinformation regarding the election. It is wrong of him to think revealing this misinformation absolves him and logically absolves his particular point of view.

Good reading on the topic of new democracies: Jack Snyder's From Voting to Violence (Norton, 2000).