I am highly uncouth!

Watching the story of a Marion County boy who was abducted by a convicted sex offender unfold has led me to a cruel theory about why this happened. It's simple: This entire family is stupid.

First, the father, Ivert Kirkirt LETS THIS GUY (Frederick Fretz) STAY IN HIS HOUSE with his wife and son and actually allows the guy to drive his son to and from school. Kirkirt was unaware of Fretz's sex-crime record—so you meet the guy in prison and don't check him out? As we will see in a second, the look of the guy alone should set off some alarms in anyone's head.

Second, the son repeatedly gets into a car with Fetz, who looks like this.

In even the most primitive creature, a face like that should alarm the self-preservation instinct.

Third, the mother looks pretty fucked up in TV interviews and the way she talks suggests she's not all there:
" It was very, very scary. But today was nothing but cake."

They all want cake.